Confessions of a SICKCON1 Roadrat Pt2
Part 2OK my arse is in gear, here we go with part two...
It was nearly time to let the paying guests in ... [thank you dolly - jollyjon]
We, like obedient rats donned our doctors clobber and stationed ourselves strategically about the gaff and waited, would there be anyone outside ?
Slowly but surely the flotsam and jetsam wafted into view as we were all bathed by the aural lovliness that is the movie Good To See You Again Alice Cooper. [ what ? - dolly][ we played GTSYAAC on a screen and through the venue PA .. loud - jollyjon][ oh i see, cut the flowery twoddle will you - dolly].
The place was jumping quite quickly and whilst Si's Spielbergian welcome video played, the SickThings scuttled around buying up all sorts of paraphenalia and twt that the stalls had to offer. Lynda's mum doing a roaring trade selling tickets for the Nazz Poster raffle.
The Andrew Clark Museum for the Terminally Bewildered had also laid out its wares in the bar in a couple of securely locked glass display cases. Why were they securely locked ? Well if I tell you that on display was a kosher Whiplash mascara (which the curator did allow me to fondle earlier in the day), Alice's 1975 WTMN White Top Hat, the Nightmare Returns Leather ensemble with Red Alices on the leggings and a Straight Records contract then I'll think you'll see why the services of Mr Chubb were needed. Pretty Things Andrew..
Seamlessly the screen on the stage wafted heavenwards and the assembled detritus were greeted by the Master and Mistress of Ceremonies for Sickcon, Nurse Rozetta and The Showman. Consummate performances Brian & Lisa indeed. Eagle eyed viewers, at this point, may have noticed a 7 foot high blonde bloke and a geezer clutching a bass guitar scuttle across stage into the salubrious backstage area. Wonder who they were ?
Preparations were made for the Q & A and I ascended impala like up a rickety ladder with soundman Shep (spooky) into the Church's pulpit to blast out the Back from Hell CD like a seasoned discjockey. From my lofty perch I surveyed the stinking morass below, espying a long necked rubber chicken strategically placed below me.
To thunderous applause the three guests, DD, NS and JB were introduced to the baying crowd. Nurse Rozetta offering JB another internal examination as he shot across the stage. The full gamut of questions ensued with some frank answers. One cheeky bugger asking the guys where their hair had gone. They looked pretty hirsute to me. Mr Dunaway it would seem is capable of growing his hair from the bottom upwards. He should be able to get a late night cable show with a skill like that. DD also enunciated this little gem too.."I used to have a stick that I liked to play with as a kid. One day that stick got broken, so then I had two sticks." Dennis Dunaway on Alice Cooper & BDS. I'm pretty certain I saw NS' face crack behind his shades. GB (RIP) was not forgotten and the mention of his name garnered a stentorian roar from the throng. DD shared his story about GB's blackened bedroom and his influence on Dennis' playing.
What followed can best be described as an autograph feeding frenzy, as chairs and trestles were laid out an orderly queue started to snake [snake ? - it was a bleeding anaconda, taking over two and half hours to disperse - dolly] its way across the limelight floor populated by the full panoply of sickthingdom which ranged from patchouli impregnated old farts to a tank top toting Brian dressed as Billie of Millie & fame. [that reminds me jollyjon, we need to have a frank discussion here, I definitely saw you, with my one good eye, goosing millie a couple of times there in the darkness][gulp - jollyjon]. NS, DD and JB were joined after a dramatic stage manifestation by Mr Bruce of this parish. There must have been a right royal amount of business done from that memorabilia laden queue. Luckily we had provided an oxygen tank to stave of palpitations and writers cramp. Using our best RoadRattian skills we engineered a decamp of signers and signees to a top floor alehouse so that preparations for the nights aural entertainment might take place. The sheer intimadatory nature of my visage was enough to banish what remained of the boa constrictor like queue upstairs. [ baaaaaaaaa.. jollyjon you are as soft as a dew laden cow pat, your crowd control techniques can be best described as John Le Mesurierian.. "would you mind awfully dispersing upstairs in an orderly fashion" is more like it][you are gonna confuse the hell out of our transatlantic readers with your crass Dads Army rhetoric - jollyjon].
To the sound of distant pens scribbling the Road rats sprang into action like a coiled spring to facilitate the stage setup for what was to include, a solo set by Joe Bouchard, an original set by Sadness Kills The Superman, an auction of auctiony things, a much anticipated Alice Cooper set from SKTS and culminating in a rip roaring set from our transatlantic guests Doctors Bouchard, Dunaway & Smith.
From my new station on the Top Hat Stall I enjoyed an accomplished solo set from JB revelling in his version of Sweet Jane as I skillfully relieved the punters of their hard earned in exchange for t-shirts, key rings, posters, raffle tickets and Richie Scarlet's Insanity of Life Cd [I am obligated here to give this fine opus a hefty plug - a favour for a favour Mr Scarlet :)].
Relieved of our vending responsibilities I shed my doctor's attire and parked my carcass stage right ready for the rest of the evening's festivities. Sadness kills the Superman are a tight 4 piece combo [what the chuff ? - dolly] who pumped out their own material despite being hampered by a guitarist who kept forgetting which of his two axes to use [only joking Craig - jollyjon][i'm sorry are you saying there was a lumberjack chappie on the stage ? - dolly][ o no no no dolly i think my ovine darling you will find that axe is rock n roll parlance amongst these young types for a guitar - jollyjon].
An intermission followed whilst Millie & Billie wafted about the auditorium selling iced creams, lovely lollies and albatross. [with hindsight this did not happen, a large case of bunkum i'm afraid - dolly]. What actually ensued was an auction of pretty things to raise money for the Limelight's local charity and to enable the organisers to contribute to a Photography Bursary in Glen Buxton's name that has been set up at Cortez High School in Phoenix - well done all. Local spiv and notorious arse bearer Mr Paul Forsyth was called upon as auctioneer. He skillfully extracted wads of moolah from the assembled in exchange for a range of delights that included a BOC tour jacket, a B$B pillowcase and a cool photo of Dr Dreary (aka DD) enscribed with the lyrics to Black JuJu. We were amused to see our auctioneer heckled by some ingrate in the audience who bellowed out "sod the auction i want to see the band as my train is going soon." [to paraphrase - dolly].
What followed was a storming SKTS Alice Cooper set which included some ditties Dolly and I never thought we'd ever get to experience live. Guys your renditions of Zorros Ascent, Pain, Road Rats ( desperate to jump up on stage during this one) Raped n Freezin and For Britain Only have left a lasting impression on this crotchety old sickthing. [indeed by way of another plug you can enjoy some of these delights through the well known medium of video on the bands site at www.skts.us - OK Ken ?] SKTS' set culminated in them being joined on stage by Doctors Bouchard & Bruce for a couple of top tunes whose names escape me at this moment in time :) [NMMNG - dolly]. We do however remember a particularly tender moment during You & Me when we were serenaded by Chris Sutton !
It was time for the top turn. And so "On behalf of the committee" they were introduced ably by Si Halley and to an explosion of noise BDS took the stage. [returning it some two and a bit hours later for safe keeping - dolly]. Mr Smith pounded on the drums and "I Want Two" burst into life and we were off on a rollercoaster ride we had waited 30 years for through all the highlights of the BDS Back From Hell catalogue with plenty of Alice Cooper favourites to follow. Having The Time Of My Life (a quote from Ian Hunter) / Vampire Night / Diner Girl [Did we hear a reference to sheep during this ditty ? - dolly] / Love You Too Much / Snake Pit Boogie / The Jokes On You / She Was A Bad Girl (What did go in Paris guys and the French quarter of New Orleans ?) / The Real Thing (DD warning us not to settle for second best ask for the real thing !) / Fallen Angel.
The Dennis Dunaway mirrored bass masterclass followed. So many great Alice Cooper basslines. Did anyone else's fur stand on end hearing Dr Dreary letting rip through all those favourites ? Sick Things, Gutter Cats, Ballad Of Dwight Fry,
Desperado, My Stars, Dead and Billion Dollar Babies they were all there. They were worth the price of admission alone in my humble opinion.
DD then introduced "a rare and special treat, Mr Neal Smith is going to tell you about our old high school". Mr Smith, with finger firmly in his ear obliged us by leading an Alma Mater singalong ending with the reminder, as if we needed reminding, to remember GB ! This jolly sickthing and his favourite ovine aint gonna forget the Blonde Bomber. No way buster.
DD's jetlag must have kicked in at this point cause he informed us he could hear coyotes calling ! and then much to my amazement - "I think I hear a sheep over there ... baaaaaaaaaa" [well fancy that - dolly]. The guys raced off in into a fine fine rendition of Grand Finale. Joe doing stirling work on his guitar...
DD "This is a Michael Bruce tune that I have always enjoyed playing every single time" - Caught in a Dream.
BOC's Don't Fear the Reaper with cowbell was up next ...
DD "I'm sensing that this room isnt up for any rock n roll". "Its a sad lament, I was 18 ..." DD shared with us intimate details of one of his worst dates and they were off. The telephone was ringing ... Under my wheels...
Patrick Moore's favourite tune Astronomy assaulted our ears next ..
DD "Its hotter than a spring sheep up here" [can we just for the record state that these are genuine sheep references and have not been added in for dramatic effect, bless you - dolly]. Dennis with declining voice sang their GB inspired track "On the other side segueing into Schools Out" - pretty certain there wasn't a dry eye in the place for this one. Great tune this one guys ...
JB "I think I hear something coming out of the North Sea" ...Godzilla
DD "Thank you Ladies & Gentlemen it makes us feel so great to see you all, you have no idea.. well except for maybe George Orlay" ... "I feel a dark mood coming on" ... Black Juju .. superb..no-one can say "Bodies need rest" like DD can.
Halo Of Flies with Michael Bruce (who hot footed it from the bar with best friend Captain Morgan) and who obliged with a strategically placed "you never will understand ...baaaaaaaaaaaaa" [o not again - dolly] during his unique vocal performance as he oscillated wildly round the stage.
MB "I am the God of hellfire and I bring you FIRE !"
DD "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much !"
One more .... " O Go on baby" says Michael with another appalling English accent a la Austin Powers .... 18.
..... and then they were gone and sickcon1 was over .................... most of the detritus began to wend their way home except for the auction heckler who was seen mooching in the carpark having missed his train .. shame.
The Epilogue.
Back in the hotel three of my childhood heros, MB, NS and DD despite being cream crackered happily signed anything proffered by the Roadrats. Dolly & I had a cosy chat with DD for over half an hour [what a top geezer Dennis Dunaway is - jollyjon] about his book (30,000 steps to being a Rockstar or maybe the Rise of Alice Cooper), skunks, heinz 57 dogs, black juju the group's dog, GB and o sorry but sheep too. I shall treasure DD's one page inscription to GB in my Me & GB book and MB's GB anecdote for ever. Lovely, lovely jubbly.
Hurry back chaps won't you and for gawd's sake don't make it another 30 years ! Promise ?
So next time if you get asked to be a Sickcon RoadRat Dolly and I recommend you answer in the affirmative.....
Fin.
Regurgitated from The Alice Cooper Allegedy Archives 2002
Post a Comment