The Alice Cooper Allegedly

Lost in America !! Brutal Planet Descent into Dragontown Tour USA 2001 Part Two : New London to Cardiff by jollyjon November 2001 v3.2

Tuesday 30th October 2001 - New London - Foxwoods - New London

Woke early in New London determined to sample another American tradition today - the mall. So we pile into the Taurus and hit the mall. Far too early the shops were still fricking closed. My body clock is shot to pieces. We invaded a Cybercafe for a breakfast bagel, a pint of boiling hot Kenyan AA and an hour on the web. Checked my email. Seems we had been spotted stateside. Managed to email home too. Between us we skilfully removed any Alice based product (no matter how tenuous the link) from all the stores in the mall. Des even managed to get a T shirt made of the photo of him and Alice from the previous night. The Master and his Student 2001 - nice one.

Now onto Foxwoods. Well fricking hell we are talking one enormous palace to Mammon - absolutely enormous. Si wont mind me saying he was having a crisis with all this overt opulence. I tried to put a positive spin on it for him by explaining that as it was owned by native Americans they were getting their chance now to shaft the white man. Did it work Si ? Guess I'll have pissed off someone by saying that.

I had the biggest warm pastrami sandwich in the world there. Seems its right to say everything in America is huge. With Brian & Lisa at the front of the queue Des & I crashed the high rollers bar for a well deserved shot of alcohol. The two gorilla bouncers at the bar just parted when they heard my English accent. If I'd known then what I know now that drinks and hot food were free gratis and for nothing for us high rollers I think we'd have had a shed full.

Back at the queue the almost compulsory stressed out run up was in full flow. We'd heard stories of how seating works at Foxwoods, the prime seats / tables / locations being for the tribe. However it seems that with a bit of a spiel and by flashing greenbacks most of these obstacles can be overcome. I was therefore chosen by the gang to sweet talk Kerry the Maitre'D in charge of seating to try and blag a better table. We chatted and I played the strangers in a strange land gambit. Did she know how famous Foxwoods was in the UK and that we had flown 3500 miles specifically to catch Alice Cooper here. Seems she didn't. I blagged on. I understand that you are entirely in charge of seating and was there a way to smooth the process ? She glanced half heartedly at tonight's seating plan and sucked in air. I glanced down too. Did you know you have the seating plan for Jon Stewart and not Alice Cooper. Well that was it I was in. You'll be fine she said enjoy the show. Result. Bugger I'm giving away all my blagging techniques.

Doors open promptly at 7pm and we hand Kerry a greenback consideration for her favourite charity and we get shown to probably the best seats in the house. God I'm good. So close in fact that by turning ninety degrees in my comfy chair I could rest my arms on the stage. Some tribal guests at the next table asked how come we were where we were. Resisting the temptation to tell him I was from a tribe of Welsh Sheep Worshippers (no disrespect meant) I played the strangers in a strange land gambit successfully for a second time that night. I had no need to stand up that night until Alice implored us to do so for SO as I was practically on the stage with him. He was almost too near for photos - imagine that. Do you know what we had better seats than Neal and Cindy Smith and Dennis Dunaway. I did mention that they were there didn't I ? It seemed only right that we should go over and press the flesh with them. So guess what we did ! Both were mightily impressed we had made the trip and I was so pumped to meet them. Unfortunately us spotting them did cause a minor stampede in their direction by other signature grabbers.

Back in my prime seat the finest of shows followed. So near was I that I was almost oblivious of the audience. It was as if Alice was playing in my lounge at home. How cool is that. During Triggerman we all put on our shades much to the obvious amusement of Eric D and Greg. Alice and I high fived which was for me a major buzz. Can you wrap your head around that ? Alice gave me a second cane which I passed to Lisa knowing that getting one cane home through heightened airport security was gonna be hard enough let alone two - but more of that later. Did you get yours home Lisa ? Scored major balloon fragments and 1000 Alice Cooper Dollars flopped in the lap that night.

The show over I managed to get photos with NS and DD and got them to sign my Cooper sheep t shirt. Good Job. We retired to the Intermezzo bar with new friend Larry Labardini (The Butcher of Boston - ask him - who managed to stay for the whole show this time ) for some Rolling Rocks. The Dude at the bar wouldn't take my Cooper dollars as payment - bar steward.

My fellow travellers tell me our 10 mile journey back to New London took hours to complete as we ended up headed for Canada ! I didn't notice as I was zonked out on the back seat - can't take the pace, getting old etc etc. I did have the presence of mind to ensure that Mr Pumpkinhead got a trunk full of fresh air before retiring though.

Wednesday 31st October 2001 (Halloween) - New London / New York.

And so its Halloween and we leave New London headed for the Roseland Ballroom New York and the most eagerly awaited gig of the week. We got to New York at 2pm and dumped the car at the rental yard. Mr Pumpkinhead was dispensed with - he was just getting too big headed for his own good. He wanted to put Des in the trunk so he could ride up front with us. I ask you. I abandoned him on top of a trash can. We took a courtesy bus and then the A train subway to our salubrious new gaffe between Broadway and Central Park West. Another Roach Hotel - literally they were behind the sink we saw the little bleeders.

Downtown we checked out the Roseland, no queue good so Des, Si and I went looking for food. TGI Fridays got the benefit of our custom. I rang my good new friend Joe Morris from the New Sickboard who had sent his phone number to me back in the UK. He was going trick or treating with his son and hoped to catch up with us after the show to get us into Spitfire's after show party. More of that later. Our bellies stuffed we checked out Times Square and then went back to the queue. If I'd had a watch on and cared to glance down I'd have noticed that ticket stress time was approaching and sure enough along it came. Interestingly I was not going to emphasise the stress element to spare some blushes but Si has asked me to lay it on with a trowel so here goes. You know I belong to the school of thought that says if you are in a big city thousands of miles from home what will be will be. However Si seemed to come to the boil each night full of stress worried that we were going to be shoved unceremoniously at the back at each gig. That New York night we didn't get our tickets until an hour before the doors opened. Do you know lovely reader if I had 10c for every time Si rushed into the venue to implore with anyone looking half responsible to let the UK guys have their tickets I'd have $1.37 ! However I've gotta say it worked cause eventually he succeeded ( isn't that what a toothless parrot does ?) and came out clutching the tickets like they were the bleeding crown jewels ! But good luck to him cause he even got us a head start at running for the barrier. Well done Si ! Slowly the bulging veins on his forehead subsided, his skin changed back from a bizarre green colour and he discarded his shredded shirt for a new one. And then the doors are flung open and after watching security put 27 different you must not / you can not notices on the venue doors and after an unfulfilling frisk down me and my camera acquired our little piece of Roseland right on the barrier in prime Roxie territory.

What can I say of Diecast ? ....

And then its the lovely Lennon. She seemed shocked that several sheep t shirt wearing foreigners were singing along to Goatf**ker. She'd never know how embedded that song is in our psyche. Aaah Lennon - schwingggg....

The Roseland Crowd had come to party and the place was jumping despite terrorism rumours. I've never seen so many Wonder Women before and even Jesus was amongst us again. Even two crowd surfers one who kicked me right on the swede and another who'll walk with a pronounced limp for some time couldn't dampen my enjoyment of a top hole performance by Alice et al. Our Triggerman specs did the trick this time Alice in character doing a double take right in front of us. Alice told the crowd he wanted to be a Policeman, a Firefighter and a New Yorker. We all did that night. And then he's gone and the shows are over.

Determined not to slide into the slough of despond I bought a Dragontown bear and Lennon CD. We were being ushered out by the over zealous fricking security. No sign of Joe. I queued for a quick chat and groped Lennon for a photo opportunity. Out on the pavement I told Des Lennon was there and so we snuck in for another pic. Good job we did. Walking towards us comes this American dude who I think its fair to say had been partying hard, real hard. Its Joe Morris ! He good to his word whisked us upstairs to the after show party. After an initial pause I managed to get the guys to mingle. I went off to schmooze with Joe who introduces me to Steve Seabury the Spitfire Records A & R geezer. We gas a while. Then I sidled over to Des who is watching Alice sign stuff for those in line. We leave the Master be as we had had our special moment earlier in the week. I recognise a voice behind me and turn to see Shep Gordon at the next table. I approach never being shy in coming forward and chat away. He introduces his table companion who is Joey Greenburg !! Its photo opportunity time and I get my pic with them and then reciprocate for the others. You'll be pleased to know Andy that Shep said " Do you know Andy ?" to me. I denied knowing you of course.

Ryan comes over to thank you guys for coming to the shows. We discuss Glamnation, DPM and why they haven't toured Wales yet ! As the party draws to a close I rejoin Joe who is buzzing. "Jon can I offer you a lift in the stretch limousine back to your hotel ?". Well I suppose so I grinned. Andrew Clark reckoned the offer was a duff one convinced there was a Reliant Robin parked outside. So Andrew how did the photo that you took of us piling into the infeasibly long white luxurious limo come out ? When you gonna send me a copy ?

So we ease away from Roseland with our new friends from Spitfire Steve Seabury, his lovely girlfriend Cheryl and my mate Joe Morris who is I know he wont mind me saying, off his face. What ensued was an absolute blast as we ease through the streets of Manhattan quaffing Bud and Spirits all on Joe's wife Kathy, it turns out, who provided the limo for the day. How understanding of her ! The limo stops at a deli for a six pack top up and our chauffeur parks round the corner of our hotel. But there's no sign of us getting out as we continue to party as our spirits soar. We have a great time exchanging swear words. Our American friends seem to love the words nipple and w**nkers. Well I was happy to oblige as the Bud kicked in. Mucho laughter, great galloping guffaws actually. Briefly chat Alice and Steve gives me his business card. He promises to send some promo materials over by UPS which I hope to use for an online competition. Watch this space. I get Si Steve's card too. I'm officially drunk by now and I think its fair to say Joe has almost shut down for the night. We partied, we've schmoozed and now its time to go. However it took another half hour to say goodbye. Much flesh was pumped (does that sound suspect ?). Joe insists on bear hugging me and ooh my gawd he kissed me, twice !!. What I put up with in the name of US / UK relations ! After getting the chauffeur to take some photos the limo slips into the night and we sidle back round the corner to the Roach Motel looking like a grinning Cheshire Cats convention I wouldn't wonder. I passed out shortly after getting into bed but not before killing a roach in the sink. Aah what a day , what an adventure.....

Thursday 1st November 2001 - New York / Heathrow / Cardiff

And now the end is near and so I face the final curtain. Stuff that me hearties we have a whole day in NYC before our 7pm flight. Its time for some serious retail therapy - lets shop. Des, Si and I have all our luggage with us but luckily Brian & Lisa are staying a couple of extra days. So we arrange to meet downtime. We take the bus to Grand Central Station in search of lockers for our luggage. We sail past Brian & Lisa in Times Square - oops. As any New Yorker can tell you there are no lockers in Grand Central Station any more. Well there were in 1978 when I was last there - times change I guess. Si nobly offers to go trackdown Brian & Lisa whilst Des & I go in search of a top notch breakfast don't you know. We didn't have far to go choosing Perschings Cafe right outside. A posh looking eatery they looked slightly taken aback by my sheep shirt but seemed to once again warm to my English accent. We parked ourselves down in the gaff next to a sweet old well to do who proceeded to tell me how much she loved the Queen and hated Donald Trump. We had the finest beautiful blueberry pancakes piping hot accompanied by a cavalcade of summer fruits, dusted skilfully with the finest white icing sugar and drenched with A grade maple syrup flown in that morning from Idaho. The Coffee kept coming and the OJ hit the spot. Come on you cant slum it all the time. Replete to the gills we waddled outside and into Grand Central again where Des & I took first shift with the luggage whilst the others shopped. Various Police and Soldiers came over to checkout the strange looking sheep dudes sat on the floor. A couple of them clocked the viscious looking cane I was cradling too.

We watched New York going about its business and took the time to pay our respects by having a silent moment next to a huge notice board covered in pictures of peoples lost ones from September 11. I found the pictures drawn by kids particularly poignant. My thoughts went back to my family. I'll say no more .....

Des & I headed off to shop wandering off down Broadway further than we expected, we made a conscious decision not to go to Ground Zero. It just didn't seem the right thing to do somehow. We had the taxi ride from hell back to the Station. Man was that fricking dude mad weaving in and out of traffic for a good 20 minutes. Bloody good fun and all for 7 bucks. Alton Towers eat your heart out. It was time to leave the USA and Brian & Lisa. We said our goodbyes and traipsed, more like route marched to the subway. The platform was miles away but once at Times Square we grabbed the A train to Howard Beach JFK. Whilst on that subway I started to think about the cane Alice had given me , how was I gonna get it through all that security. I guessed they wouldn't let me take it on the plane. I decided there and then to acquire a limp. Proceeding to use my walking stick through security, through the x ray and passed the machine gun toting soldiers at JFK. I'm not ashamed as I needed to get the cane home - you understand that don't you ? Des had trouble getting out of the USA, only seemed right to me as Si and I had struggled to get in. It seems his boots were setting off the metal detector. So I can report that Des left the USA barefooted ! They didn't bother to search me and the kind flight attendant was very attentive to the fat grey man with the walking stick as I boarded. The same flight attendant who was to ask "Are you with the band ?" "Yes" I advised as we touched down in London. The 6 1/2 hour night flight passed quickly with me dozing / alternately listening to 5 hours of Pink Floyd - enough to make any one sleep. We left Des for his connecting flight to Belfast and Si left me waiting two hours for a coach to Cardiff. It actually took me more time to get the 140 miles from Heathrow to Cardiff than it took to fly from JFK to London if you include waiting time for the coach. Aah I was back in the UK alright !

The Aftermath

So far side effects seem to be minimal. The Boys have officially asked me to stop calling them Dude and Son No 3 wants to know what fricking means. I slept 17 hours Friday / Saturday and have spent all the rest of Saturday typing this load of old codswallop. Such is my obsession with one Alice Cooper.....

jollyjon
November 2001

Postscript

The Obligatory name checks, well we met the following luminaries in no particular order. Alice Cooper, Shep Gordon, Joey Greenburg, Brian Nelson, Neal Smith, Dennis Dunaway, Cindy Dunaway, Ryan Roxie, Eric Dover, Greg Smith, Eric Singer, Teddy ZigZag, Calico Cooper and Lennon Murphy.

Stone the crows guys ! I just realised we met Alice, Shep, Joey, Neal & Dennis and partied in the fricking infeasibly long Limo all in under a week, just how fricking cool is that! And all in the New World ! There can't be any Sick Things who have had such a successful week as us - can there ?

I'll attempt a Sickthings cavalcade too, sorry if I forgot you : Joe Morris, Larry Labardini, George Orlay, Kyle Wolfe, Kurt Scheinphflug, Kenny Mik, Lita & Zoe, Andrew Clark, Barb Hayes, Liz Bento, Alan Jackson, Pudinhead, John and Sarah Kovach, Matt C, Krista, Ava Molinari, Ed Davis, SteelVampire and Jesus (twice). Who did I miss ?

And an honourable mention in dispatches to Spitfire's Steve Seabury, Cheryl and to Mrs Morris ! Thanks Kathy !

Regurgitated from The Alice Cooper Allegedy Archives 2001

Ovination by killer_sheep on Tuesday, October 30, 2001 on Tuesday, October 30, 2001 | Permalink